I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
