God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
worst night to have a conscience
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
