It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
