...so i touched it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
