community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
