Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
