my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
