i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
