Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
