so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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