No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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