I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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