yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
