True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
