Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
