remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
