I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
