Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
