i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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