The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
