Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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