i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
