do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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