I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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