Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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