I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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