I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
