He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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