oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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