Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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