Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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