She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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