AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
