Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
