Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
