He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
