i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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