Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They took my balls.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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