Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
barbara walters just said penis...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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