are you still at the devil's house?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
