it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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