I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
