its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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