This is not my ceiling
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
