Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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