just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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