he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
