**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
