I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
