Grow some girl-balls and come out already
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
