my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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