i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
