can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
