apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
