I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
