Define "chronic" masturbator.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
