im drinking this country out of the recession.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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