Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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