i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
