so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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